The Silence of Grief
by mysuppressedfeelings
Summary: Silence speaks volumes.
The news swept through Nonnatus House like an unwelcome wind, chilling everything in its path. The midwives had gathered on the stairs of the house, huddled together in their grief, seeking the company of one another for comfort. Afraid that if one of their number stray too far they would be struck down just as Sister Evangelina had been.

Barbara sobbed unashamedly, unable to hold her grief in, the only noise in the silence that gripped Nonnatus House. Cradled in the arms of Nurse Crane, the young woman crumbled under the weight of the day, wondering whether she had pushed the Sister too hard on their recent excursion. When she had voiced these concerns she had been talked down, the experience she allowed Sister Evangelina to have would have been exactly what she would have wanted. A fitting end to her career.

Trixie sat staring into nothing. Eyes unable to focus for more than a few seconds at a time. She rhythmically took long draws from her cigarette, wishing for nothing more than a strong sip of her favourite scotch to dull the pain. Instead she clung to the cigarette desperately, afraid of losing her grip on reality, allowing the warm smoke to flow through her body in a desperate attempt to make her feel whole again. The ever present, unflappable, strong figure of Sister Evangelina could not be gone. A tremble ran through her body.

Delia wilted against the bannister of the stairs, feeling guilty in her grief. She was unable to explain the sheer heartache that she felt for a woman she had barely known. Her new Nonnatus family had spoken of Sister Evangelina often, and although they had only met a handful of times in person, she could understand why she was such a revered character by all she came to know. Delia was not accustomed to the pain of loss. The few deceased people she had seen had been patients that evoked no emotional outburst from her. This was the first time she was unable to distance herself with her professional façade, finding it shattered so callously.

Patsy sat with many thoughts running through her mind. The emotions of loss were not new ones for her. The atrocities of the camp had seen to making her numb towards them. The loss of Sister Evangelina hit hard to home as it was a loss of a member of her new family. One that she had so delicately and carefully built around her, allowed herself to feel comfortable around. Only to have it pulled away from her in an instant. The nurse inside of her was happy that Sister Evangelina had passed peacefully, suffering no pain; but the girl in her was devastated that she had not been able to be there for her mother figure. What she would give for just one more conversation, even just the opportunity to thank her for everything.

Leaning forward, Patsy silently took the cigarette from between Trixie's fingers and allowed herself a long drag, feeling the smoke fill her and begin to numb the pain. Trixie's eyes filled with tears that soon spilled silently down her cheeks. Patsy's face remained unreadable as she glanced across the expanse of the step towards the deadened look on Delia's face. How she wished to be able to comfort her in this moment, love her, tell her all would be ok. There would be time for that after everyone else had gone to bed. For now, she had to help Barbara and Trixie; she had to be strong for them.

The sobs from Barbara slowly subsided and her breathing deepened, her weight pressing down onto Nurse Crane's frame. Patsy turned around, stroking the young girls face and brushing her hair behind her ears, drying the stray tears that dotted her cheeks. With a silent look at Nurse Crane, Patsy stood and lifted the youngest of their group into her strong arms. With a few easy steps, Patsy left the group behind in Nurse Crane's capable care, and took Barbara to her and Trixie's room, not wanting her to be alone tonight. Placing the sleeping figure on Trixie's bed, Patsy exited the room headed for the group on the stairs.

The scene had changed slightly, with Nurse Crane now keeping a sobbing Trixie upright only a few stairs higher that where she had been sat, the attempt to follow Patsy to their room had been abandoned as the waves of grief overcame her. Prising her fingers from Nurse Crane's back, Patsy took Trixie under her arm and held her tightly as she guided the two of them to the room where Barbara lay, whispering soft words of comfort to her all the way.

Entering the room, Trixie spotted Barbara in her bed; fresh tears streaming from her eyes and darkening the bed sheet underneath. Walking from Patsy's embrace, Trixie climbed under her covers and pulled Barbara towards her, slowly soothing the girl with her hand stroking her hair as silent tears flowed from Trixie's own closed eyes.

Patsy turned, once again and made her way back to the staircase. Nurse Crane was knelt on the step in front of where Delia was sat, trying to comfort her, trying to get her to talk. She looked up as Patsy approached, and the redhead gave a small shake of her head. Delia would not talk, she would not want to until she was ready, and there was no point in trying to hurry the process. Patsy knew this well. Delia was an emotional being, and her previous encounters with this emotion escaping always ended when Delia wanted it to; no matter what Patsy did to try and help her.

The phone rang and Patsy nodded at Nurse Crane who left Delia on the step to go an answer the call of a desperate member of the Poplar community. Patsy used this time alone to sit down next to Delia and pull her in close, placing her head on Patsy's shoulder. They sat for a few minutes and Nurse Crane returned, the phone call had been one of condolence; nothing that required her to leave. Instead, she passed the two on the stairs and Patsy heard the door to her room close, smiling sadly as her colleague checked on the two already in Trixie's bed.

Coaxing Delia gently to her feet, Patsy slowly led her up the stairs and into the room with the others. Sitting down on Patsy's bed, Delia remained clouded with a deadpan expression, as Patsy removed her shoes and helped her to lay down. As she lay down Delia grabbed Patsy's hand and pulled the redhead down on top of her, interlocking their fingers tightly. A startled Patsy quickly glanced at Nurse Crane who was seated in the corner, and received a smile and a raised eyebrow in response at the well-practiced contact between Patsy and Delia.

Settling in behind Delia, Patsy wrapped her in a safe hug and glanced at the opposite bed to see Trixie doing the same to Barbara. Nurse Crane had shuffled comfortably in her chair and had her eyes shut, with the faintest hint of a smile on her lips. The room's silence was soon broken by the varied snoring and breathing patterns of its inhabitants. Each one of them was desperate for the day to be over, for the initial shock to wear a bit thinner. They all slept together in the same room, providing comfort for one another in their slumber. Tomorrow would come, as always, and despite the pain of today the midwives slept soundly with the reassurance that whatever the new day brought them, they would deal with together; as a family.


End file.
